Why Do I Look For The Negatives In My Loving Partner?

Episode 9: Why Do I Focus on the Negative in My Partner? Trauma, Triggers & the Chaos of Love
In this powerful episode of The Trauma Queen, Jessica Ella unpacks a subtle but deeply rooted trauma pattern many women experience in love: hyper-focusing on the negatives in their safe, loving partners. If you’ve ever caught yourself nitpicking, feeling bored, or questioning a relationship that feels too calm—you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.

Jess explores how trauma, especially from abuse, emotional wounds, and past toxic relationships, wires your nervous system to see safety as unfamiliar and chaos as normal. What looks like dissatisfaction is often a trauma-driven reflex designed to protect you from future pain—even if that pain hasn’t happened yet.

🔥 Inside this episode:

• Protection: Learn how focusing on flaws is often a defense mechanism born from unhealed trauma, keeping you in control to avoid being hurt again.

• Projection: Discover how your triggers often reflect aspects of your own identity or insecurities you haven't made peace with—mirrored back through your partner.

• Misinterpreted Boredom: After surviving unstable or traumatic relationships, the peace of a secure partner can feel unfamiliar… even unsafe. Jess reveals how trauma can mistake stability for stagnation, and how to begin healing that pattern.

• Healing in Love: Explore how safe relationships can become a space to rewire your nervous system, repair relational trauma, and move from survival into healed, connected love.

Whether you’re in a secure partnership or still healing from abuse, this episode is packed with trauma-informed insights that will shift the way you see yourself—and your relationships—forever.

💫 Start healing here: https://linktr.ee/jessellaainsworth