Why Do I Keep Going Back To My Ex?
Episode 17: Why Do I Keep Going Back to My Ex? Trauma Bonds, Loneliness & the Pull of the Past
In this deeply validating episode of The Trauma Queen, Jessica Ella unpacks the painful and all-too-common question: “Why do I keep going back to my ex?” Whether it’s a toxic pattern or a relationship you know isn’t right, this episode explores the trauma-driven forces pulling you back into familiar pain.
Jess breaks down the three core trauma-linked reasons we stay stuck in the cycle:
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Fear of Being Alone: When emotional wounds and abandonment trauma go unhealed, loneliness doesn’t just feel uncomfortable—it feels unbearable.
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Comfort in Familiarity: If you’ve survived abuse or chaos, your nervous system may equate the familiar—no matter how painful—with safety.
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The Illusion of Change: Your triggers can confuse hope with healing, making you believe that this time will be different, even when patterns repeat.
Jess brings a compassionate but clear lens to how trauma bonds, unresolved pain, and a fractured sense of identity can make it feel impossible to walk away, even when every part of you knows better.
✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:
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What a trauma bond really is—and how it’s not the same as love
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How to recognise the difference between healed desire and trauma-based attraction
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Practical tools to regulate your nervous system when you feel the pull to go back
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How to rebuild self-trust, self-worth, and the confidence to choose peace over chaos
This is your wake-up call and your warm hug in one. If you’re ready to stop recycling pain and start choosing yourself, this episode is your next step toward healing and wholeness.
💫 Reclaim your power. Start here: https://linktr.ee/jessellaainsworth
